Here is
the list for the college Class of 2007:
Most students entering
college this fall were born in 1985:
1. Ricky Nelson, Richard
Burton, Samantha Smith, Laura Ashley, Orson Welles, Karen Ann Quinlan, Benigno
Aquino, and the U.S. Football League have always been dead.
2. They are not familiar with
the source of that “Giant Sucking Sound.”
3. Iraq has always been a
problem.
4. “Ctrl + Alt + Del” is as
basic as “ABC.”
5. Paul Newman has always
made salad dressing.
6. Pete Rose has always been
a gambler.
7. Bert and Ernie are old
enough to be their parents.
8. An automatic is a weapon,
not a transmission.
9. Russian leaders have
always looked like leaders everyplace else.
10. The snail darter has
never been endangered.
11. There has always been a
screening test for AIDS.
12. Gas has always been
unleaded.
13. They never heard Howard
Cosell call a game on ABC.
14. The United States has
always had a Poet Laureate.
15. Garrison Keillor has
always been live on public radio and Lawrence Welk has always been dead on
public television.
16. Their families drove SUVs
without “being fuelish.”
17. There has always been
some association between fried eggs and your brain.
18. They would never leave
their calling card on someone’s desk.
19. They have never been able
to find the “return” key.
20. Computers have always fit
in their backpacks.
21. Datsuns have never been
made.
22. They have never gotten
excited over a telegram, a long distance call, or a fax.
23. The Osmonds are just talk
show hosts.
24. Undergraduate college
athletes have always been a part of the NBA and NFL draft.
25. They have always “grazed”
for food.
26. Three-point shots from
“downtown” have always been a part of basketball.
27. Test tube babies are now
having their own babies.
28. Stores have always had
scanners at the checkout.
29. The Army has always
driven Humvees.
30. Adam and PC Junior
computers had vanished from the market before this generation went online.
31. The Statue of Liberty has
always had a gleaming torch.
32. They have always had a
PIN number.
33. Banana Republic has
always been a store, not a puppet government in Latin America.
34. Car detailing has always
been available.
35. Directory assistance has
never been free.
36. The Jaycees have always
welcomed women as members.
37. There has always been
Lean Cuisine.
38. They have always been
able to fly Virgin Atlantic.
39. There have never been
dress codes in restaurants.
40. Doctors have always had
to deal with “reasonable and customary fees” and patients have always had
controls placed on the number of days they could stay in a hospital.
41. They have always been
able to make photocopies at home.
42. Michael Eisner has always
been in charge of Disney.
43. They have always been
able to make phone calls from planes.
44. Yuppies are almost as old
as hippies.
45. Rupert Murdoch has always
been an American citizen.
46. Strawberry Fields has
always been in New York.
47. Rock and Roll has always
been a force for social good.
48. Killer bees have always
been swarming in the U.S.
49. They have never seen a
First Lady in a fur coat.
50. Don Imus has always been
offending someone in his national audience.
In all fairness it should be understood that students entering college this
fall do have
a few items on their own lists that will separate them from many of their
mentors:
1. For many of them today, it’s all about the
“bling, bling.”
2. They know who the “Heroes in a half shell”
are.
3. Peeps are not a candy, they are your friends.
4. They have been “dissing”and “burning” things
all their lives.
5. They can expect to get a ticket for “ricing
out their wheels.”
6. They knew how to pop a Popple and trade a Pog.
7. They can still sing the rap chorus to the
“Fresh Prince of Bel-Air” and the theme song from “Duck Tales.”
Do you feel old yet? Me too...